Response Crafting

How to love, part III

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Take ownership.

People do things. They do what’s right for them or they just do what makes them feel right right then or they do something to respond to something they’re dealing with.

And if it doesn’t immediately reconcile with your sense of reality, you might think or other people in your life might tell you: “this isn’t about you.”

And it’s true.

What we see and create in the external world is only a reflection of our inner world. And when people react with opposition to any person or circumstance, they are really only struggling with themselves. “Putting up resistance is the response of defenses created by old hurts.” That’s Deepak.

But if that’s true for those other people, it’s also true for you.

So eventually you realize, in a big-picture sense: “This” – your own version of “this” – is about you.

Other people’s reactions and decisions are about them. But your feelings and viewpoint in response to those reactive decisions are about you. In fact, your reactions to their reactions are entirely about you. About nothing except you.

We are in control of our own response. So if we’re feeling something negative – fear or resentment or anger or sadness – that is 100% on us, not anybody else.

Relinquish.

We can let go of our own negative feelings. Including letting go of our own desire for others to relinquish theirs.

When you do so, “you will be healing yourself and cooperating with the flow of the universe.”

This isn’t about denying our experience – let us please not do that any more than we already do – but rather honoring and moving through our emotions to their exhaustion. It’s about really unpacking them and setting them all out on the table and sitting with them, staring at them, agonizing over them, even, if you need to, for long enough that we finally exhaust ourselves over the task and work all the way through to the other side.

And it’s within your own power to flip it over – to decide that, instead of harboring and safeguarding these feelings, you want to relinquish them to the universe.

And when you get to the other side, there is this sudden wash where you realize: all you have to do is love.

Love.

Replace fear-motivated behavior with love-motivated behavior.

“Fear is the product of memory, which dwells in the past. Remembering what hurt us before, we direct our energies toward making certain that an old hurt will not repeat itself. But trying to impose the past on the present will never wipe out the threat of being hurt. That happens only when you find the security of your own being, which is love.” Deepak again.

When you get to the other side and have this realization, it’s with a wave of relief and ease. You find and make peace. It’s easy and obvious: All you have to do is shovel love at this.

You don’t have to agonize over anything. All you have to do is wish others well. Mean well for others, if you can. If they miss or misinterpret it, try again or keep trying. In your own head. From’s arm’s length. Whatever. The energy you are adding to the universe here is simply: “nah, nothin’ but love.”

It goes a little like the Metta prayer, with which I am only superficially familiar and only as of recent, but goes, paraphrased, something like:

May everyone be happy, healthy and whole.
May they have love, warmth and affection.
May they be protected from harm, and free from fear.
May they be alive, engaged and joyful.
May they enjoy inner peace and ease.
May that peace expand into their world and throughout the entire universe.

When you realize that all you have to worry about is your own response, and when you commit to the fact that your response is to love, everything becomes pretty easy.

TL;DR – Your feelings are never about anyone but you. Your fear (or your resentment or anger or aloofness or whatever else) is all your own. If you want happiness, relinquish anything negative. And instead shove love at whatever’s there.

fwiw, here’s Part I and Part II. You didn’t need to read them in order. So it’s cool.

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One thought on “How to love, part III

  1. Pingback: 2015 Review | Response Crafting

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